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  • Writer's pictureJamaal Peeples

Are You Single Black Dad Prejudice?

I love being a Single Black Dad.

But some of the shit y'all do makes me really cringe.

I had to start out saying that. And no, I'm saying that because I'm trying to be facetious or sarcastic. Nah, I really love being a single Black father. I love my biologcal daughters, Ayanna and Amanyi and I also love the kids who have come into my life who I didn't create but seem to have acquired under my Black Dad umbrella. Namely Reni and Amaya. Shout out to my bonus daughters! They are the reason I grind so hard, wake up in the morning, and continue to live in this Great State of Iowa. (Or as my oldest niece calls it, "The Caucus Mountains").

But you all be killing me with these double standards though. Like, what is cool for single mothers isn't cool enough for a single father. And since I do participate in social media, I'm going to share with you all a few of the so called double standards that I see. I mostly just have three, but three sounds like a few, so here you go:

The first one is...

Why is it common for people (mostly women) to ask me, "How did you become a single father?"

Now this is a question that used to not bother me. It would normally happen in that weird "talking" stage that I would have with a woman that I was thinking about dating. And I get it, you're thinking, "Well, it isn't as common to see a man raising kids on his own as it is to see a woman doing it." Or, "I don't mean it to be anything rude, I'm geniuely curious." I know the question isn't meant to be offensive, but, would you rather a man ask you the same question??? I can see the conversation going something like this:

Me: "Hey, how did you become a single mother?"

Her: "What???"

Me: "Well, did you have shitty marriage? Did your ex husband go out for a pack of Newports and then never come back? Or did you just have a broke bum dude bust inside you one too many times?"

Her: "...."

You can understand that line of questioning (although it may be true) not really be politically correct for someone to ask. And downright offensive. So, if it is offensive for you to be asked that then you can think that it is offensive for me to be asked the same thing ya know??? Let's just stop. If I choose to tell someone my circumstances then that's on me. And if you have read enough of my blogs and book (SHAMELESS PLUG! I wrote a whole book! Go buy it!) you know how I became a single parent. Go out and buy the damn book.

Next one....

I absolutely HATE memes or chain Facebook posts that talk about, "Well, if a man had to do the same things a woman had to do, he would fold.

This one I really hate. I mean "HATE" in all caps and bolded.

When Amanyi's Mom passed away, I had a lot of anxiety about how I would raise two little girls on my own. Ayanna was six. Amanyi was three. And even now, over ten years later, sometimes I have a lot of anxiety about "Am I doing a good job?" "Are my girls being prepared for the whole world that is out there for them?" No, I'm not fishing for compliments or "You know you're doing a good job..." I know EVERY parent out there who loves their kids feels the same way about their own parenting.

But damn, let's be honest. A lot of those posts come from women who look at their own lives and how they hustle, struggle, and work hard to make things work. And then you got a whole other person who laid down with you and made them babies and now he is living free and clear and since the kids don't live with him, he don't have the same struggles you do. Boo Boo Baby I get it Single Momma.

But guess what...

...I got a whole Baby Momma out there who I feel THE EXACT SAME FUCKING WAY ABOUT!!!

And I don't care if she reads this shit. Because she knows what I already think about her. I know she ain't shit. The kids know she ain't shit. And deep down inside, she know she ain't shit either. That isn't some ground breaking revelation about my life.

But what I can't stand is the tunnel ass vision view that what women go through is somehow narrowed down to just women. Because I get the same shit too. And guess what? I didn't fold. I never folded. I figured shit out. From how to get my girls' hair done. To buying pads. But also playing both roles Mom and Dad. And no, I don't want no kudos and I don't want a present on Mother's Day. I'm a man playing both roles. Same as a woman in my position. It ain't about no women's empowering movement shit. Just stop. The shit is offensive out there to every other man who has to figure things out for his kids. That Super Single Parent Superpower Cape is fucking Unisex. It don't fit just women and it don't fit just men. I'm sorry if you know a bunch of bum niggas out there, but I'm not one, and I know a lot of other men out there who wear it proudly as well.

Last one...

The "closet" prejudices.

This is a big one. Quick story time...

Before I bought my house, there was a government program here in town that would help first time homeowners with their down payments for a house. At the time, I wanted to buy a house for me and the girls. But I definitely needed help with the downpayments. So I decided to apply for the program.

In the paperwork I had to fill out, there was a section about dependents and people who would be on the loan with me. So I filled out the paperwork that listed me, Ayanna, and Amanyi as well. I put down all of my income and all the other mountains of information that they wanted to know when you buy a house. Took me a couple of days to gather all of the information necessary. And I was able to finally submit the paperwork into the appropriate city government office.

A few weeks later, I got a call from one of the processors. This is how the conversation went:

The Processing Lady:"Mr. Peeples, we have receieved your paperwork, and everything looks good. It looks like you would be a good candidate for our program."

Me:" Great! I'm glad to hear that!"

The Processing Lady: "There is just one thing that we have to clear up."

Me: "Sure, what's up?"

The Processing Lady: "It doesn't look like you've listed another adult in the household with you."

Me: "Well, that's because it's just me and my girls. I'm a single parent"

The Processing Lady: "Oh! Well, we are going to need some court documentation that supports that."

Me: "Wait, I was referred to this program by another person. Who is a single mother, and she never had to provide any information about how she became a single mother. Why are you asking me for this information?"

The Processing Lady: "Well, I hope you understand that we are just trying to fight fraud and other things like that. So if you just get that information for us, we can continue with the process."

Me: "Ma'am. I think that is not fair to me. So, if that is what you need to fight fraud, then I don't need your money. I'll figure out something else. Have a good day."

And I hung up.

Closet prejudices. No, you're all for a single man raising his kids. But when it happens in your face, then you think that some shit has to be up in order for it to work. That above was a true story. And yes, I was able to wait a little longer and put myself into a better position to buy a house. But the point is, that someone thought that it was much more plausible to be running a scam than me be a single Black father. This ain't no PPP loan shit over here. I'm a real person living the real life here.

What I want everyone who reads my blogs and books to know is that I'm real. Like a Jennifer Lopez and Ja Rule song. I'm out here grinding,living, and loving my kids like the rest of you single parents. I love my kids fiercely, like you. And just like you, I have hopes, dreams, fears, and goals. But most of all... what comes out of your mouth and watch the shit you share online. Because if someone did it to you, you would want to cancel folks.

Read and discuss.

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What is up? Yeah, yeah, yeah I know it's been almost a year since I've written a blog post. I wish I had a really cool reason like I was out seeing the Great Pyramids in Eygpt or something like that,


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