I have two different mothers of my daughters. Both of the women are on the opposite sides of the spectrum. One I had a serious relationship with, and we planned our daughter's conception. We both wanted to have another baby, and more importantly, we wanted to raise that child with each other. Unfortunately, that didn't work out like that. She passed away in December of 2013, and I was left to raise our child alone. Aside from losing my own mother, that was the second worst day of my life when I found out that she passed away. Amanyi, our daughter, is 8 years old now. She is beautiful, smart, funny, and really really amazing. She is definitely the best parts of both of us.
My other daughter is the product of a drunk one night stand. No romantic relationship with the Mother at all.
There are times where I have to console my daughter about the loss of her Mom. She passed away when Amanyi was 3. That is some hard hard stuff to tackle. There definitely is no playbook when your daughter breaks down and starts crying because her Mother is "with Jesus". I try to comfort her. Tell her that I'm here. I tell her that someday she'll see her Mommy again. I even try to take her mind off the subject. It's hard for both of us. Because I loved that woman. And how things are now, is definitely not how I planned life out to be. There are few things worse than having to try to comfort a crying little girl about her mom being gone.
My other daughter, Ayanna. Well she has a Mom. She's living and breathing. Let me put a pen here for a second. I am not using this blog to say negative things about her Mom. I do not need to hide behind a keyboard and express the things that I feel aren't right with that relationship. However, there are things that I wish were differently.
Like what do you do when your daughter feels as if her Mom isn't around?
Is it better to have a Mother who has passed away, or a Mother who is in the land of the living but not as present as you think she be? (FYI, they both suck)
I know that I take these questions one day at a time. Both of my kids have scars because of their respective situations. And as a Father, the last thing I want to see are my daughters' taking "Ls". How do I tell a 12 and 8 year old girl to, "Hey just roll with the punches?" Especially when those punches come from someone who is supposed to be there for them all the time.
We all want to raise happy kids and we want to shield them from the bullshit that life throws at them. But Let me tell you. It kinda really truly does suck when that bullshit in life finds them.
Read and discuss. Talk back to me. Please.