Why I Am Single

Whew. This is a big topic. Honestly, I've been debating on what to say here. But you know me, I'm going to just let it fly and we'll see where it lands, ya know?

Man, I get asked this question a lot. From the outside looking in, I seem like I got it all together. I'm not broke, I'm firmly middle class. I take care of my kids. I even take care of kids that I didn't create. By the way,shout out to Child Support Recovery Unit! Who knew that you can get child support from the parents of a kid you didn't create? I think I'm the only heterosexual man, that I know of, who is getting child support from another man for his kid, directly. I'll take that 65 cents per month thank you very much!

I love to enjoy my life. I love to travel. I work hard and I play hard. I take about four vacations a year at least. Two big ones and two small ones. If you lived in Iowa, you would understand the need to get out of this place as much as possible. My passport has it's fair share of stamps. I don't have a substance abuse problem. I don't drink to excess often. I don't beat women. I couldn't even tell you the last time I even had a woman buy me dinner. There is absolutely nothing that a woman could provide to me financially that I couldn't get or haven't gotten for myself.

Pretty much, I got this Single Black Dad thing on lock. I am good at this shit.

But, I don't want to be single for the rest of my life.

I will be 47 on June 24th. I have never been married. A few weeks ago, I met a couple in a bar that I was at. They said they had started dating from meeting online and for the most part they were happy. The lady and I were talking, and this is how the conversation went:

Her: "So you've NEVER been married."

Me: "No, ma'am."

Her: "And you're how old?"

Me: "I'm 46. I'll be 47 in June."

Her: "Wowwww!!!!Well, if I were interested in you, that would be a red flag to me."

Me: "Why do you say that?"

Her: "Because in all those years of you being single, that says that you haven't come across ONE PERSON that you would want to marry? It would signal that you have a problem with committment."

And so, that got me to thinking, "Damn I AM old." And so I started running through in my mind the people that I've come across and dated and why had I never pulled that trigger. Some of it was circumstance. For example, I would gladly married Amanyi's mom. But at that time in my life, I can say that I wasn't all the way ready, and then she passed away. Some of it was/is my kids. Some women I've dated have vibed with my kids, but didn't vibe with me. Or vice versa. And the girls are a huge part of my decision making process. I don't think women appreciate (sadly, especially single mothers) that my decisions are based on the same things that theirs are. Meaning, I need someone to vibe with my kids too. To be a good role model to them.

But what I really settled on is that I'm not afraid of committment...

...I'm afraid of failure.

My Dad is my hero. For a lot of reasons. But, in this situation, my Father was happily married to my mother for years before my Mom passed. For him, it was until "Death do you part..." not "Until I get sick of your ass..." My parents endured poverty, raising kids, Gary, IN in the 90s (iykyk). And they grew together. Straight up came up from the bottom. Got it out the mud. And ended up building a middle class life together until God called her home. And then my father married my stepmother, and they've been married for almost 20 years. Dude is the committment G.O.A.T.

But when that is your standard for excellence, then what that says to me is that I take the marriage and finding my forever shit seriously. I feel like there were some people that I could have "settled" with. Women I could have a nice house, family events, and all that shit with and I would have just existed. I would have gotten married because it was the thing that I "should do" at that age. And then years later, I would have to reckon the fact with myself that I married this person not because they were my fuckin' everything. But because I didn't want to be 46 years old and have someone say to me that I was afraid of committment. However, eventually, I would have to look myself in the mirror and ask myself the same thing that Jack Nicholson asked himself in one of my favorite movies...

"Is this as good as it gets???"

Nah, fuck that shit.

That is "failure" to me.

Now dating, broooooooo...man....don't get me started on dating in your 40s. Shit is not fun. Yeah, you run into odd women and people ghost you like Casper. But these days, this is what your boy runs into. (With R&B, Rappers, and Trump voices. You gotta use your imagination when you read my shit!)

1. Women who are not healed from past relationship trauma. Man this is a big one. Like why would you put yourself out there to meet people knowing damn well that you still crying over Tyrone? Especially when Tyrone treated you like shit? You better call on Tyrone, and get over your shit. (In my Eryka Badu voice)

   
   

2. Women who are users. You ain't gotta have it all together in your life. But damn, I am not your Sugar Daddy. I've been "Can I get $20" to fucking death. Now, I know that some of you women are rolling your eyes like, "I would never do that shit..." but I guarantee that you know at least one woman (or two) that would say, "I'm going to get what I can out of that nigga. If he willing to pay for my hair, nails, vacation, light bill, rent Imma let him." Sad to say, them the same bitches who don't go to strip clubs or look down on prostitutes. The only difference to me, is that hoes and strippers are at least honest about their lives. Stop lying to yourself baby, Youz A Hoe. (In my Ludacris voice)

   
   

3. Women have crazy baby daddies. I have had two legit male stalkers. One nigga broke my car windows and my house windows. And I was dating his baby momma. And the other nigga literally would drive past my house and spread lies about me and threatened my kids. And I wasn't even dating his baby momma. His baby momma had a kid (not his) that was friends with my daughter. I carry firearms for two reasons. One, to let any nigga who dates my daugthers to know that she ain't the one to fuck with. And two, for crazy niggas. Fuck trying to deport Mexicans and foreigners. Can we deport these crazy ass niggas??? Put all them on an island and have like a Crazy Baby Daddy Survivor and shit. Get 'em out of here, and put a tarriff on their ass if they want to come back. (In my Trump voice)

   
   

   Now, I don't have it all together. I know that I've dated women casually at the same time. But shit, I'm hedging my bets. But, trust and beleive I'm not the only man who feels like this. Ask your brother, your Dad, or that nigga you got in the Friend Zone. And you see I'm not all the way crazy here. Do I understand that there are men out there that are living their best Peter Pan lives and don't want to grow up? Absolutely. Do I think that there are men out there who are my age, still wearing Avirex jackets living like they're 25 and having different women to feel good? Yep. You probably got a nigga at your house right now that is just waiting for your tax money to run out so he can move on to the next bitch. I am not defending every fucking man out there.

   
   

   But damn, once you get to a certain age as a man. You come to three realizations:

   A) All pussy feels, for the most part, the same.

   B) All women are crazy, you just gotta find the one who has the right amount of crazy that you can deal with.

   C) You ain't getting no fuckin younger.

   
   

   And my Dear Reader, that's where I am.

   
   

   So I'm not afraid of committment. I want that same kind of love that Jodeci, Silk, Shai, and all those 90s R & B groups sang about. I'm just not going to fucking settle until I get it. And if that means that I have to sort through people like the bargain bin section at Goodwill until I find that Louis Vitton sweater then fuck it, I'm diving in. I don't have a lot of hard and fast rules. If you can cook (the girls' requirement, not mine), don't bring me too much drama, like to have sex more than once a week, and you have a true desire to enjoy your life and be part of something special, then that's all your boy needs. But there is not fear of committment here. As a matter of fact, I think I'm brave. I'm brave because I have an ideal in my head that was demonstrated by my parents that I am fucking unwilling to compromise on.

   
   

   Now, I am not looking for people to hop in my inbox and put their applications in. I'm speaking for every man out there who has his life together who is trying to figure this shit out. It is a work in progress. But Brother, I am proud of you. Don't settle. Find your person because men deserved to be loved properly too. We gonna make it. And we are going to find our forever someday.

   
   

   Read and Discuss.