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  • by Jamaal

The Dating Game Part II--Computer Love

Annnndddd we're back. Two weeks later. And another blog post. Again, thank you for taking the time to read the rambling thoughts that come out of my mind. It really means a lot to me. I've had people come up to me and tell me how much they enjoy reading my posts. And thank you. For real. I started doing this because I know I'm not the only man out there who is raising kids by myself. More importantly, I know I'm not the only BLACK man out there raising kids alone. I'm not a unicorn. There are black men out there doing the damn thing raising their kids and having these same struggles as I have. Also, this blog is for women to get a glimpse into the other side of the picture as well.

Anywho, today's topic. Computer Love. This is part 2 to the original post I made. If you haven't read it, please check it out first.

I love Zapp and Roger. Like most folks back in the 90s, I engaged in the hood activity of scamming BMG and Columbia House. You know the scam. You would sign up for one of those companies for like a penny. They would send you about twelve CDs and then have the nerve to bill you for more. Yeah, who actually paid for that second group of CDs??? Back then this was as Black American as collard greens, rap music, and buying food stamps. (Don't lie, some of you all are still buying food stamps). One of the cds that I acquired was Zapp and Roger's Greatest Hits. Now for you lames out there (or you young folks out there) Zapp and Roger were a band in the early 80s who had hit songs such as "More Bounce to the Ounce" and "Dance Floor". While those songs were hits in their own rights, their contributions to Hip Hop are the numerous times their songs have been sampled and also they are the ones who pioneered the "talk-box" (a.k.a Auto-Tune) effect that gave T-Pain a whole career.

My dude, Roger Troutman was a prophet! Even though this song was released in 1986, this man summed up how online dating these days go. "I don't need astrology...Thanks to modern technology". Is really how a lot of people date these days. Just think back 20 years ago. If I told you that you could buy groceries, find all of lyrics from Juicy by Biggie, and find your next baby momma on your cell phone, then you would have thought I was crazy. From POF,,, etc there are a ton of ways for people to find love on the internet.

I'm not going to lie, I've engaged in a lot of online dating over the past few years. Before you roll your eyes to the back of your head, let me state my reasons for doing so. For one, I'm busy as hell. I work a real job. I have a side hustle. I have these two little girls who believe I'm an walking ATM. And since every man has a soft spot in his heart for his little girls, I do my best to get them most of the things they want. So I'm busy. But at the same time, I would like to have real adult conversations with a woman who isn't related to me. Plus, i'm over the bar life. For one, going out and clubbing in Iowa really isn't the same as clubbing in Indianapolis, Chicago, or Los Angeles. Clubbing here consists of finding a bar with a dance floor, trying not to vomit at all the ratchets there (men and women), and trying to make it home without getting shot or arrested. I'm too old for that lifestyle. Plus the older I get, the earlier my bedtime gets. In my 20s, it was 4am. At 40, its getting to be a hard 10pm. If the freaks come out at night then I'm passing them on my way home to go to bed.

So I do online dating. And what I've discovered is that men and women fall into two groups on online dating:

For women, they normally fall into either the Jaded or Non-Jaded category.

For men, they normally fall into the Dick Pic Sender or Non-Dick Pic Sender category.

Now I fall firmly into the Non-Dick Pic Sender category. Don't get me wrong. I love me some "me". We are besties. But I don't think that he needs to be shared with the world in digital media. Call me crazy, I know. Damn morals and values.

For women, the Jaded far outnumber the Non-Jaded. Typically, the Dick Pic Senders are quick to put women into the Jaded category. Again, call me crazy, but I don't understand why some dudes think its a good idea to start a conversation with "Aye gurl, you wanna see my_____". I'm sure that line has worked one out of 1,000 times and some woman was like, "Bring it over Daddy."But for the other 999 times, you just making yourself look dumb.

But the Jaded are out there. And they're hurt. Not just because of the Dick Pickers (don't you like how I'm just making up new phrases as I go along???) but because sometimes we men can be real assholes. I'm firmly raising my hand in that category. I'm sure that some of my exes read my blogs and you can attest that I haven't been the best boyfriend to every woman that I've dated. I'm sorry if I brought you over to the Jaded side. For real. There are a lot of emotionally unavailable women out there. Good women. Women who look at the vast dating landscape and wonder, "Is this it? Where is my knight in shinning armor? Or where is the dude that wants to eat queso, let me rant about Becky from accounting, and hold me forever?" And there are some emotionally unavailable men out there as well. I've been there too.

For men online dating sucks just as much as dating 20 years ago did. At least dating 20 years ago, you were able to get a good buzz going at ladies' night at the club. Online dating not as taboo as it was when it first came out. But people still suck. And online dating is just another way to find out that people suck. They're just more brave to let you know that they suck sooner rather than later. The fact is that, like I said in the first part to this, dating sucks. Unless you met your high school sweetheart in the sandbox in kindergarten, then you're like rest of us and figuring out how to navigate the loneliness that comes with adulthood.

So Roger Troutman, I salute you. You accurately summed up how people would get together in the 21st century. Shooby doo bop I wanna love you.

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What is up? Yeah, yeah, yeah I know it's been almost a year since I've written a blog post. I wish I had a really cool reason like I was out seeing the Great Pyramids in Eygpt or something like that,

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