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  • Writer's pictureJamaal Peeples

Who The F*ck Are These People?




As you all know, I love my kids. Ever since they were babies, I've vowed to love them, protect them, and do my best to raise them into positive adults. And, when they were little, they would follow me around. They would laugh and joke around with each other. And for the occasional mishap where they would have to get grounded or in trouble, they were pretty decent little girls.


Okay, now they're teenage girls. And I swear to God, that sometimes I look at them and I'm like, "Who the fuck are these people? And where did my babies go?"


I don't mean like, "Awww I wish they were little kids..." kind of nostalgia. Nah, I mean who the fuck are these niggas and where did my little princesses go???


For real, this teenage girl life is not for the faint of heart. They say that stress is the real killer, right? Well for all this stress that is going on in my life these days, I promise you that I've probably knocked off a good five years of my life at the moment. Fuck cigarettes and liquor. That ain't shit. Fuck riding around without a seat belt. This shit right here (in my Katt Williams voice) will age you like smoking three packs of Newports, drinking two fifths of Mad Dog 20/20, and raw dogging strippers from down by the truck stop...daily. Go ahead and try raising teenage daughters and you tell me that you don't feel yourself accelerating the aging process by light years. And the sad part, is that I'm only halfway done through this teenage daughter stage at the moment.


You remember that movie, Daddy's Little Girls? (I've never actually watched the whole movie from start to finish because I'm not a Tyler Perry fan. Don't judge me, I don't like his shit. Don't ask why because that's a whole different rant for another day.) But I'm sure that Idris Elba's character was probably dead around age 55 from all that stress of raising teenage daughters on his own. Yeah, I didn't watch Daddy's Little Girls, but I'm pretty sure that if there would have been a sequel, then they would have got Morgan Freeman to play the Dad, because this shit will age you like that.


Now, in all fairness, some of you all out there tried to warn me. People would ask me how old my daughters were when they were little and then be like, "Whoa, bruh! You got TWO daughters. Man that's gonna be some crazy shit when they get to be teens." I was like, "Nah, nah, it ain't gonna happen to me. My kids are good little kids." Yeah, well if I could go back five years ago have a conversation with myself, it go like this...


Me Now: "Aye bro. Imma need you to mentally prepare yourself for this teenage girl stage."


Me Then: "Whatchu talkin about Willis? (If you get that reference, then your back probably hurts when you get up in the morning) The girls are naughty from time to time, but they listen and they're good."


Me Now: "Look nigga. Imma need you to sharpen up on your detective skills. Like Sherlock Holmes, Batman, Inspector Gadget shit. Because these chicks are going to test your gangsta and you gotta be up on what's really goin' on because these girls will lie to you with a straight face."


Me Then: (Clutching my pearls) "My babies?"


Me Now: "Yes nigga, your babies."


That's how it is out in these teenage parent streets. In the last few months, I've dealt with sneaking out, police, more sneaking out, police again, lying, bad grades, along with the countless days of eye rolling, and all around shitty attitudes. I mean damn. Shit. Like, where the fuck are the little girls that were going to the playground and eating candy a few years ago. I used to clown Yo Gabba Gabba a few years ago. I would be happy as a nigga doing his last day in prison if my kids just would go back to those days for just a week. I'll put it you like this, you know that God is working hard in my life just by the fact that I haven't choked one or both of them out yet.


However, those same folks who told me that I was in for the ride of my life, also told me that at some point, that they come back to their senses. That the Little Girls, turned Nutty Niggas, will come back to the Little Girls that I once knew. Once they get out on their own and become adults, then they'll realize that their Dad really did the best he could. And they'll also see and respect the fact that I was always there for them. So that is what keeps me going. I know it's for the best. I love these chicks.


But damn. For right now, I do look at them and wonder, "Who the fuck are these people???"


Read and Discuss.






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2 Comments


c.merise88
Apr 14, 2023

Hilarious!

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mamiemeeks
Nov 25, 2022

This was both heart warming and funny as hell. You are 2 generations removed from me but you are close to the same age as my son, since I am the youngest of 8 and I’m closer in age to my nephews and nieces (including your mom). I said all that to say, Buck up! You young men, including my son, are going about this the wrong way. My parents raised 5 boys and 3 girls, who were all teenagers at some point in time. There were no cop incidents and to my knowledge no sneaking out. My dad looked a lot like you, except bigger. My mom was small and wiry, like your mom, with a look that could…

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