Hola. All great things come in trilogies. Lord of the Rings. The Matrix. Star Wars. Star Wars, again. And Star Wars a third time. Star Wars is a trilogy of trilogies. And if you don't like Star Wars, you're not American. Fight me bro.
So I'm writing part three in my Dating Game series. There might be fourth one. But hey, who knows. I'm making this shit up as I go along.
If you haven't read the first two posts, please take a few minutes and go back and read them, please and thank you. It's not like you have to read the first two to read this one. However, I think they're a good way to find out what goes through my (and hopefully others') head when they experience dating. Especially as a single parent. Also, one of these days, Oprah is going to read these blogs and realize that I need my own talk show on OWN. And if you read my blogs now, you can be like, "Hey I know that guy! I've been rocking with him since day one! I knew him when he was sneak writing these blogs at work!" (Which, I'm doing right now, shhhhh!)
Some of my blog posts I can think of a topic, and knock it out in a few minutes. This one, like the other dating ones, I had to really be introspective and think about what I wanted to say first. Because I really wanted to get this right and say exactly how I feel. Feelings laid bare in this one.
Let me start out saying that it is HARD AS FUCK to date in your 40s. It is even harder to date as a single man raising two girls. Because what here I normally run into two types of women:
Mary My Age: (Yes I'm making up names. It's my blog, I do what I want). Mary My Age usually had kids in her late teens and early twenties. So her kids are either grown or pretty damn close to it. Either Mary had a bad marriage/baby daddy situation and is forever jaded by that situation that idea of dating and marriage scares the hell out her. Or, Mary stayed a single mom because she thought that raising her kids alone and dedicating her whole life to them would be the best thing for them. So she sacrificed her own search for companionship for the sake of raising her kids. And now, that's she in her 40s, and the kids are out of the house, she'll be goddammed if she don't live her life for her. She wants no parts in going back to that life again. She's looking for someone on that level.
Yvette Younger Than Me: (There really aren't a whole lot of cool Y names out there. I had to Google that one). Yvette is probably in her 30s. And Yvette probably has kids my age, or maybe a little younger. However, to Yvette, I'm a little old and may not be as cool as other dudes her age. However, Yvette sees younger men and not mature and they normally don't have their shit together. Sooo, she rolls the dice with an older dude. But sometimes Yvette wants more kids. (Hard pass for me). Yvette may wanna kick it hard and go out because, shit, she still young and look good (Unless I get a written pass from my body, I have a firm weekday bedtime of 10pm). But most importantly, Yvette may not exactly know who she is and what she wants out of life to fully have a relationship that she knows what she wants. So, not emotionally mature.
Now. I know what some of your are thinking. I'm neither of those women. And chances are, you're not. I'm just saying what I normally go through. And my observations. I've run into people that may have a little Yvette and a little Mary. I've met some women that are neither. And I will also say that I've met some awesome women in my life that I should have tried a little harder (or a lot harder with) and I JUST PLAIN FUCKED UP. And that's cool. Because I can't build a future with Yvette or Mary, but the masses of people that I encounter are one or the other.
So, I got a wall. I'm talking about the wall that Donald Trump duped a bunch of C average Americans into thinking that Mexico would pay for kind of wall. And I'm sure most of you single as dollar bill people out there have the same wall as well. It's the wall that comes up because I run into a lot of Yvettes and Marys and I just don't want to get hurt again. For every woman who I get my hopes up for and turns out to ghost me. Or for every woman who "isn't ready", that fucking wall gets a little higher.
What does my wall look like? My wall looks like me asking you a bunch of questions about you but not really opening up about me. My wall looks like me overthinking a situation instead of riding it out and seeing where it leads. My wall looks like looking for a way out of a courtship before it starts. Tactfully. My wall looks like me smiling and sharing things that are superficial to me, but not letting you in to my real hopes, fears, dreams to you. My wall is painted like a door until you run smack the fuck into it.
It's also the wall that I have up to protect my kids. Because they are tired of getting their hopes up. They are tired of me trying to sell them on the idea of dating and being with someone being cool. But seeing that relationship go down in flames. They are super good on that. So they got walls too. Especially Ayanna. I sooooo dread the dude that she ends up with. I can see her being like, "Oooooh no nigga, my I learned that bullshit from what my Daddy went through. Not today Satan. Go sell that shit to a bitch that had only a single Mom." (My daughter is a savage.)
Every once in a while, I peek over the wall. Have you ever been in a high rise building or a Ferris Wheel and you look down and you can see the masses of people down on the ground. Faceless bodies moving around. You can't hear them. You can't really pick them out individually. That is what it looks like to me. My issue is that I normally pick one that I like from up high, and then jump out of the damn building and fall fast and hard to the ground. But the closer I get to that person, I see that they're ugly or they have some other issue. But too late, I'm fuckin speeding to the ground now, and it's too late to catch myself. So I end up landing on my face, then I have to pick my wounded ass up and get back on that Ferris Wheel.
So these days, I'm riding the Ferris Wheel down slowly. And sometimes, I hit the stop emergency button on the ride and just at the top and chill. Because I wanna see the facial features, the mannerism, and the name tags of the women that I used to speed down towards. And if her name tag says Yvette or Mary, then I'm pulling the fuck up.
I like that wall. I protects me. It protects my kids. It's the result of life experiences that I've had so far.
But shit.
It's lonely on this side.
Read and discuss.