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  • Writer's pictureJamaal Peeples

I Want My Tik-Tok





For all the cool kids back in the 80's and the 90's that had cable, you may remember that old MTV slogan that said, "I want my MTV". (I wasn't one of those cool kids who had cable back in the day sadly). C'mon, all you all over the age of 40 would know how cool MTV used to be back in the day. Yes, I'm talking about that same television network that has become the reality TV network king of now. Well back in the day, they used to show music videos. I know right? Crazy. The same network that brought us The Real World used to have hours and hours Michael Jackson videos AND Beavis and Butthead. Shit, you had me at "hello".


Well, these days. Tik-Tok has become this day's version of MTV. Shit, everyone has a Tik-Tok nowadays. I know people who fall asleep watching Tik-Tok videos every night. And the videos. Wow, there are people on there doing all kind of shit. Making dances. Doing "challenges". I mean really? Walking up a stack of milk crates? Wow, I instantly thought, "That's some wypipo (say it out loud and you'll know what I mean) shit, then I found out that niggas were doing the shit too. Smh. But that's how powerful, that app has become. When I was a kid, milk crates had two purposes:


1. Vinyl Record Storage Units.


2. Basketball Hoops for Poor Kids Like Me


That's it. I guess in 2022, we don't have flying cars yet, but we do have social media. And that entices us to do the dumbest shit possible. The Jetsons would be ashamed.


Even with all that craziness going on online, I just know about that craziness from what I've heard from people and seen online. Because, sadly, I don't have a Tik-Tok account. True story. I wouldn't be surprised if my grandma had a Tik-Tok to be honest. She already has an Apple Watch and sends text messages. It wouldn't surprise me if she was watching churchy Tik-Toks before bed every night. In Jesus name.


Now I wish I could say that I don't have a Tik-Tok because I'm "above" all of that social media foolishness. Like those people who claim they don't watch TV, but read six books a week. Then wanna make you feel like shit because you can't wait for the next season of Power. But that ain't true. Hell, if it wasn't for social media, most of you all wouldn't be reading this damn blog right now. So that ain't it.


I'm all in for the social media foolishness. I think I was the first kid on my block with a MySpace page. I used to be an AOL chat king. (A/S/L anyone???) And back in the day, I used to be a Black Planet Playa! So I'm all here for the social media craziness.


Nah, I can't get a Tik-Tok account for one reason and one reason only...


...my damn teenage daughters won't allow it.


Yeah, yeah, yeah I know I'm the adult around here and I pay all the bills and shit. And if I want a Tik-Tok account, then I know I can go the App Store and download it and be on my merry way. But as the Good Book says, "All things that are lawful, aren't expedient..." (I bet you didn't think you would get a bible verse in this blog about Tik-Tok huh? Stick with me boss, I'm full of nutty shit like that).


They've asked me to be a guest star on their Tik-Tok videos. They've tried to get me to their weird ass choreography. "No Daddy, you gotta swing your arms like this..." or "Daddy, you have to shake your leg and hop on one foot"...or some shit like that. Then they'll watch the video and get a bunch of views and then laugh at my expense. On some, "look at the old guy doing these dances" kinda shit. Closet assholes. Smh. I'm always the Tito Jackson to their Michael Jackson. I'm the Otis Williams to their David Ruffin. I'm the Tina Turner to their Ike Turner.


Well shit, it's my time to shine now. I'm not going to eat the cake no more, Ike! I've had enough.


They're scared I'm going to make videos that get more views and shares than them. They're scared that I'm going to be Tik-Tok Famous. And they hate being shown up. For example, I made them co-authors of my book, "Single Black Dad". So if you go to Google, put their names in, then the book comes up. They hate that shit. But I don't care. Maybe one day that book will blow up, and then they'll get a little money off of it. But to a teenage girl, they just hate it.


So, I'm writing this today to say " Fuck it!" I'm going to get a Tik-Tok account. And I'm going be like everyone else, and watch videos and do challenges and all that shit. I'm going to go on there and say all the words that my daughters say I can't say. "Those shoes are drip!" "I got your grades and they're looking pretty suss!" Or, "Are you still friends with so and so, or is she opps now?" I'm going to make a channel called Single Black Dad, and dammit, I'm going to be Tik-Tok famous. There ain't gonna be a damn thing they can do about it but sit there and stew.


And when I ask them to be in my videos, and they try outshine me, I'm going to turn my lip up to them and say, "Ain't no one coming to see you Otis!"


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