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  • by Jamaal

I have a new appreciation for single moms...


I grew up with both parents in the home. My father is a great guy. He's a minister and has been for most of my life. He's also the guy who taught me how to ride a bike, throw a baseball, and shoot a basketball. Even though we grew up without a lot of money, my father always worked and hustled to make sure that food was on the table. When the steel mills in Gary started closing down in the 80s, a lot of men chose crime or to peace out on their families. Not my Dad. He chose to work hard and be the man of our household. Looking back on those times, I thank God for having him in our household.

My Mother, however, was the glue that held our house together. She was the person that made our house a home. She was the cook, she taught me and my sister how to clean, and she was the first line of disciplinary action in our house. I feared and respected my Dad. He was a big guy back in the day. However, I was SCARED of my Mom. She was only 5'4" but she could lay you out in a heartbeat if you got out of line.

Now I'm a single Dad. I never realized how much went into playing both roles in the house until I started doing it myself. Trust and believe, it is a lot. I mean a helluva lot.

I know guys who are not with the mother of their children. These dudes are not deadbeats at all. They love their kids, they're involved, and they try to contribute financially. From time to time, they'll complain about how much money they pay in child support or complain about what their baby mommas do with the money they give. Then they complain about how their baby moms' will clap back at them. Just tripping for no reason at all, in their eyes.

For all you guys who think like that, let me let you in on a few little secrets...

1. No one plans to be a single parent. I highly doubt that any little girl dreams of raising one, two, or three little kids on her own.

2. This shit is hard. I mean really fucking hard.

3. No one can accurately describe that empty feeling that a single parent has when your kids go to bed and you're home alone with the silence and the loneliness.

4. No matter how much money you contribute in "child support" or whatever, trust and believe, it ain't enough.

5. Being Momma and Daddy all the time is some herculean shit.

6. Did I mention that this shit is really fucking hard.

I'm going through a situation where the mother of my oldest child is not even in the same town anymore as my daughter. Her new husband is not fond of me, so in turn he is not fond of our child. Therefore, he didn't want our daughter around at all. Although I believe deep down inside that my daughter really feels some type of way about that, when I ask her about it, she really acts like she could care less. I asked her, how would she feel if I did that to her, if I just moved away and left her. She tells me she would be devastated. But not with her Mom. Because she's never really been around consistently at all, it's no harm no foul.

I feel as if I'm the single Mom, and I'm dealing with a here and there baby Daddy.

And it sucks.

So yes, now that I'm a single Dad, I have a new appreciation for single Moms. When women vent on social media about how much they hate their baby Daddies, what they really hate is the fact that you can make your child an option. While we cannot. And hell, I would never want to. And for the life of us, we cannot understand how you can even make your child an option. To pick another man, or woman, over your child.

But life goes on. We go on. Because at the end of the day, someone has gotta do it. And I'll be damned if my kids go without because the other person who created them chooses to stay on the sideline.

Read and discuss.


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